I couldn't put you down...

I've only just put you down in your cot, you're usually fast asleep by 7. I watched you sleep in my arms tonight, I cried the whole time. Trying to understand how anyone could ever do such a horrible thing to their precious gift, their blessing, the best thing that could ever happen to them.

I went and tucked your brothers in, kissed them both on the head and my heart cried a little more. How can someone do such a thing??? The tears still streaming down my face.

Today I heard about a little girl, just older than you, about Coel's age, just younger than Calum, who's mommy and daddy just left her, alone and afraid for 3 days. They didn't feed her, or change her bum, they didn't cuddle or hug her or give her kisses goodnight, they just disappeared. I can't imagine how scared she was, how alone, how hungry or cold. The neighbors say they heard her crying, then it stopped, she must have fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion, and when she woke to no-one there she just started crying again. How can anyone abandon a baby girl as beautiful as you, as vulnerable and new as you? What were they thinking? 

When I leave home you and you're brothers are all I think about! I wonder if you cried when I left and if Mary was able to calm you, if you are sleeping, if you ate all you're food. I miss you terribly when I'm not with you. It's because I love you so very very much. I would do anything for you, for your brothers. 

Sometimes you make me angry, but I will never leave you. I will never ever ever leave you. You are my world, my heart, I think it broke into 3 parts, and the parts of my heart walk around in 3 little bodies. I will protect you no matter what. I will love you to the ends of the earth and even further than the sun. 

I want to fetch this little girl, and give her some of the overflow love from my heart, the extra love that comes because my heart is so full of love because of you and your brothers. I want to give her hugs and kisses and loves and cuddles, but tonight I couldn't do that. I could hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful face and think of how much I love you, how much her parents should love her and how stupid they are not to. I'm so angry at them, how could they do that to such a precious gift. How could someone be so selfish and irresponsible with such a precious being, a life entrusted to them to nurture and love. 

I couldn't put you down tonight. I cried as I watched you sleep.